Attribution related question

The relevant part of the OSM licence is:

You must include a notice associated with the Produced Work reasonably calculated to make any Person that uses, views, accesses, interacts with, or is otherwise exposed to the Produced Work aware that Content was obtained from the Database, Derivative Database, or the Database as part of a Collective Database, and that it is available under this License.

I'm not a lawyer, but the fact that it's not a hyperlink, or doesn't include http: isn't that big a deal. A more direct issues is "Are you putting the attribution in a place which would make someone who uses it aware of the attribution?"

So if you had a website with the map, but you had to go to the bottom of the page to get a link the "About Us" page and then click another link to get to the "Copyright" page, and from there click a link to get to the "Copyright Notices" page which included that attributionm, then that probably wouldn't count.

What you have written looks fine, since you're including it in the image. You can always just put it under the image as regular text as well.